New Definitions


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Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the
employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on,
looking for references to one's own name.

the WWW error message "404 Not Found," meaning the requested document
couldn't be located.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators
running.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a big mistake.

Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were
just tourists."

Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.

Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it.
Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees
who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in
an office or work group."Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper
goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in
mid-sentence.

Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we
gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just
wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are
useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull.
Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of
how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience 'Shackophobia'.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave a company or department soon.

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually
forgot what city we were in."

GOOD Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in
order to pay off their debts, one they will quit as soon as they are
solvent again.

Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying,
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials
were a prime example.

Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and
Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've
submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless
users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another
variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his
system.")

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, sh-ts
over everything and then leaves.

Square-headed Girlfriend - Another word for a computer. The victim of
a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven
digits.

Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing."This is uh...Dale,
my...um...friend..."

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a
vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the
number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number
and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all of
the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm
re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the
Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We
all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."





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