Apartment Ad Translation Guide

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SPACIOUS - hole in the wall; compared to living in your car; that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate.

EASY ACCESS TO TRANSPORTATION - in the flight path of an airport; next to the railroad tracks; next to a major road/highway.

FRIENDLY STAFF - Doberman pincher mentality.

FREE UTILITIES - Would you pay this high rent AND the water and garbage?

HEATED POOL - only when the sun's out; only on the off chance there's water in it

WORKOUT ROOM - four walls, some free weights, a machine or two and a clunky stationary bike.

GREAT VIEWS - within touching distance of neighbors; overlooking the garbage dumpster; overlooking the pool; overlooking the cute guy/gals apartment.

AFFORDABLE - yearly income must be $100,000 or more; wealthy parents pay the rent for you.

PETS WELCOME - no kids; the odor from the previous owner's pets couldn't be removed.

AEK - All Electricity Kancelled

W/D - Will be Disillusioned; Will be Disgusted; Worried/Depressed people.

AC - Atrocious Carpeting

WWC - Wall to Wall Crud

LIGHT AND AIRY - built as cheaply as possible.

SECURE PARKING - manager's office overlooks the parking lot.

!!! - desperation to sell is linked to the number of '!!!'

RUSTIC - classic 60's decor; outhouse included; one heating vent.

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