Proper Southern Behavior

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Tips for proper behavior in the South:

1. Don't order steak in a waffle house. They serve breakfast 24 hours
a day, so let them cook something they know.

2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy
Ann, Beth & Inez have all been known to whoop a man's ass for less
than that

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a
merciless beating. Down South it's called a "Coke" Even if you want
a "Pepsi"

4. Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't a
member of the SEC. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who
get to play Utah every week.

5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us
are more literate than you, better educated, and generally much
nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense. (Dell, Compaq,
MCI Worldcom, Netscape)

6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Get over it, spend
your money, and leave.

7. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone
will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended, and
for God's sake, don't put sugar on your grits.

8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot

9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If
you don't like it here, take your Yankee ass back home

10. We don't play Lacrosse, or any of those sissy ass Northern games,
so don't ask about the scores, we simply don't care.

11. We know how to speak proper English; we talk this way because we
want to and we can. It's like playing jazz; you have to know how
to do it right first.

12. DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to a
permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa.

13. You must be able to use "yall" in a sentence

14. You are not "going" to do are "fixin'" to do it.

15. "He needed killin'" is a defense.

16. Even if you live 20 miles away, it's still just "over yonder"

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