You Might Be An Irishman If...

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You drink beer from a longneck bottle because your doctor told you to distance yourself from alcohol.
You think tea is tint for an aquairium.
You think St. Patrick's Day is THE major holiday of the year.
You think singing songs in a strange dialect is a God-given right.
You believe God created Ireland and the rest happened by accident.
You think water is only for fish -- and bathing (occasionally)
You think God gave the Israelites Guinness in the wilderness.
You think all beautiful women are Irish.
You think Scotch-Irish is a mixed drink.
You think the restroom is a place to sleep.
You think English is a foreign language.
You think England is the place your condemned to if you're bad.
You think Dublin is the world capital.
You see leprecauns after the pub closes -- always twins.
The guard says "How many fingers am I holding up?" and you say "All of 'em."
You think that New Year's resolutions are fine -- for that night!
You think God gave the Irish whisky to keep them from taking over the world.
You believe that:
... all harps have a soul
... all music is Irish -- originally
... God has a sense of humor
... the last song of the evening is the end of the world
... all jokes are funny -- after 10 pm

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