How cold is it?

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This is the Unofficial World Wide Activities Thermometer, based on stereotypes and geographical generalizations by temperature.

Air Temperatures (all Fahrenheit):

60 DEGREES: Californians put their sweaters on.

50 DEGREES: Miami residents turn on the heat. Hawaiians put on parkas.

45 DEGREES: Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.

40 DEGREES: You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 DEGREES: Italian cars don't start.

32 DEGREES: Water freezes.

30 DEGREES: You plan your vacation in Australia.

25 DEGREES: Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 DEGREES: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.

15 DEGREES: French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 DEGREES: You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 DEGREES: American cars don't start.

0 DEGREES: Alaskans put on T-shirts.

-10 DEGREES: German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you step outside.

-15 DEGREES: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 DEGREES: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 DEGREES: Too cold to think; you need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 DEGREES: You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 DEGREES: Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweater. Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 DEGREES: Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 DEGREES: Polar bears move south. Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.

-90 DEGREES: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-100 DEGREES: Hell freezes over. Clinton finally tells all.

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