What the car you buy says about you


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- Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

- Acura Legend: I'm too bland for German cars

- Acura NSX: I am impotent

- Audi 90: I enjoy putting out engine fires

- Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 or the 50 states

- Cadiallac ElDorado: I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

- Cadiallac Seville: I am a pimp

- Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating the hell out of people

- Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them it's a 'vette

- Chevrolet Corvette: I'm in a mid-life crisis

- Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

- Chrysler Corboda: I dig rich Corinthian leather

- Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

- Dodge Dart: I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

- Dodge Daytona: I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

- Eagle Talon (a.k.a.) 5.0L killer: I enjoy beating the crap out of sports car wannabees

- Ferrari Testarossa: I am known to prematurely ejaculate

- Ford Fairmont: (see dodge dart)

- Ford Mustang: I slow down to 85 in school zones

- Ford Probe: The name Ford Enema was rejected by marketing department, so they chose probe. The name says it all: Pain in the butt

- Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow down to 55 and change lanes when I pull up behind them

- Geo Storm: I will start 11th grade in the fall

- Geo Tracker: I will start 12th grade in the fall

- Honda del Sol: I have always said half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

- Honda Civic: I have just graduated and have no credit

- Honda Accord: I lack any originality and am basically a lemming

- Honda Prelude: When i get my penis enlarged, I will get a real sports car too

- Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending

- Isuzu Impulse: I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports

- Jaguar XJ6: I am so rich, I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year

- Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu

- Lamborghini Countach: I only have one testicle

- Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

- Mercury Grand Marquis: (see above)

- Mercedes 500SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

- Mercedes 500SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

- Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler

- MGB: I am dating a mechanic

- Mitsubishi Diamante: I don't know what it means either

- Mitsubishi Eclipse: (see Eagle talon)

- Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings

- Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts

- Peugot 505 diesel: I am on the EPA's ten most wanted list

- Plymouth Neon: I am emotionally unstable, but i am seeing a professional so I should be o.k., right??? right?? right?? answer me damnit!!!!

- Pontiac Trans AM: I have a switchblade in my sock

- Pontiac Sunfire: "BUILT FOR DRIVERS" who dont know jack Sh*t about cars and mostly happen to be women fresh out of college who just wanna commute from A---B

- Porsche 911 turbo: I have a three inch thingie

- Porsche 944: I am dating a big haired woman that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal

- Saturn SC2: (see honda civic)

- Subaru Legacy: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

- Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet

- Toyota Celica: Don't hate me because I am beautiful

- Toyota Supra: Don't judge me because i am beautiful

- Volkswagen Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns

- Volkswagen Cabriolet: I am out of the closet

- Volkswagen Microbus: I am tripping right now

- Volkswagen Corrado: I also like the TV series "The pretender"

- Volvo (any type): I get beaten up by my wife





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