Hunting Schedule

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1:00 am Alarm clock rings
2:00 am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 am Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
3:00 am Leave for the deep woods
3:15 am Back home to pick up gun
3:30 am Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
4:00 am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:30 am Set up camp
6:05 am Head for the woods
6:06 am See eight deer
6:07 am Take aim and squeeze the trigger
6:08 am CLICK
8:00 am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
9:00 am Head back to camp
12:00 NOON Fire gun for help--eat wild berries
12:15 pm Run out of bullets--eight deer come back
12:20 pm Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 pm Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 pm Rescued
12:55 pm Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 pm Arrive back at camp
3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets
4:01 pm Load gun--Leave camp again
5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you
6:00 pm Arrive at camp--see deer grazing in camp
6:01 pm Load gun
6:02 pm Fire gun
6:03 pm One dead pick-up
6:05 pm Hunting partner arrives in camp dragging deer
6:06 pm Repress desire to shoot hunting partner
6:07 pm Fall into fire
6:10 pm Change clothes--throw burned ones onto fire
6:15 pm Take pick-up, leave hunting partner and his deer in camp
6:25 pm Pick-up boils over--hole shot in block
6:26 pm Start walking
6:30 pm Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 pm Meet bear
6:36 pm Take aim
6:37 pm Fire gun, blow up barrel--plugged with mud
6:38 pm Mess pants
6:39 pm Climb tree
9:00 pm Bear leaves. Wrap *$%!@#$% gun around tree
Midnight Home at last

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