Rules of Chocolate

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Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from
cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar
CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the
vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which
is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it
too slowly. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from
the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge
off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the
fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the
chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that
a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully. Chocolate has many
preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you
need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But
if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't
let that happen, can you?

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