Women's thoughts

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Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobic
class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and
forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a
woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders it leaves sometimes.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know
what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,
your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You
know sometimes I just forget to eat. " Now I've forgotten my address, my
mother's maiden name, and keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You
have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She
had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all
that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,
"Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous
toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
(and then they marry him..)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating
too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That
is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff.

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