Politically Correct Statements for a New Century

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Your bedroom isn't cluttered. It's just "passage-restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late. You just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day. You're suffering from "rebellious
follicle syndrome."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally-selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the rapid transmission of
near-factual information."

And for students:

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's

No one fails a class anymore. He's merely "passing-impaired."

You don't have detention. You're just one of the "exit-delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically-declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk. It's just

Your homework isn't missing. It's just having an "out-of-notebook

You're not sleeping in class. You're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks. You have "odor-retentive athletic

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the
discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a
mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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