Glass in the rump

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A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays
until the bar closes at 2 am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes
off his shoes and starts to tip-toe up the stairs. Half-way up the
stairs he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That
wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint
bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass
carved up his buttocks terribly. But he was so drunk that he didn't
know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he
noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure
enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired
the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was
hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some
good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really
tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late,"
he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of
beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last. Where
the heck did you go?" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night,
anyway?" "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up
this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

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