Dream come true.. almost


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A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands "Gimme a
double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so mad I can't even see
straight!"

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for
wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the
drink and says, "Gimme another one!"

The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give you this,
why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale.

"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous blonde
slinks in, and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought wow,
this has never happened before. You know, it was kind of a fantasy
come true. Well, a couple of minutes later I feel this hand moving
around in my lap and the blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if
I'm interested? I couldn't believe this was happening! I managed to
nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand, and starts walking out of the
bar. So of course I went with her. This was just too good to be
true!

"She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room.
As soon as she shut the door she slips out of her dress. That was all
she was wearing! I tell you it didn't take me much longer to get out
of my clothes!

But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I hear some keys jingling, and
someone starts fumbling with the door.

"The blonde says 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his
wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad! Quick, hide!'

"So, I opened up the closet, but I figured that was probably the first
place he would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the
bed, but no, I figured he's bound to look there, too. By now I could
hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed
out and was hanging there by my fingers praying that the guy wouldn't
see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated
at this point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells
out 'Who you been sleeping with now?'

The girl says 'Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm down.'

Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door
off the closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking 'Boy, I'm
glad I didn't hide in there.'

Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good
thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say 'What's
that over there by the window?'

I think 'I'm dead meat now'. But the blond by now is trying real hard
to distract him and convince him to stop looking. I hear the guy go
into the bathroom, and I hear water running for a long time, and I
figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden
the asshole pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window
right on top of my head! I mean look at this, I got second degree
burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have made me mad for sure."

"No, that didn't really bother me. Next the guy starts slamming the
window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers.
They're a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so upset."

"No, that wasn't what really made me mad."

The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally
make you mad?"

"Well I was hanging there, and I turned around and looked down, and I
was only 5 inches off the ground!





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