Holiday shopping tips

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Ways to have an extra-special fun time in a department store:

Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
don't realize it.

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout
the day.

Try on bras on top of your clothes.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think
we've got a Code 3 in Housewares." See what happens.

Tune all the radios to obnoxious stations. Then turn them all off and
turn the volumes down to zero.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from other aisles.

Put M&Ms on layaway.

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to the carpet.

Nonchalantly "test" the combs and brushes in cosmetics.

Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror for picking
your nose.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a miniature battlefield
with GI Joes vs. X-Men.

Switch the men's and women's signs on the restroom.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission

Set up a "valet parking" sign at the front door.

In the automotive department, practice your Madonna look with the

Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
like "pick me, pick me" and scare them into believing that the clothes
are talking to them.

Go to an empty checkout line and try to check people out.

Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.

If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink. Explain that you
don't get out much and ask if they will put a little umbrella in it.

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