Recipe for the holidays

FRUITCAKE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take
a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of
the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the
electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large
fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the
Whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the
mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If
the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it
loose with a drewsriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice into a
large egg.....or something. Oh! Don't forget the
nuts.....sift them a couple of times, too.
Add one table.....spoon of ...............sugar or
something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven, goodly. Turn the cake to 350
degrees. And, don't forget to do something else.....
I don't know, I forget. Oh, yeahr! I know.
Waste the tiskey again! Now, throw the bowl out
the window. Have some more whiskey. Now! Go take a
nap. Nobody likes fruitcake anyhow!