Manly rips

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What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through its pecker.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who
usually end up playing with them.

Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.

Why do men masturbate?
It's sex with someone they love.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Why is his pee yellow and sperm white?
So he can tell if he's coming or going.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?
It turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing
to put in it!
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

I'm not saying my friend Larry is dumb, but, when his doctor
told him he had sugar in his urine, he went home and pissed
in his corn flakes.

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