Things Dogs Must Try To Remember

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Things Dogs Must Try To Remember...

* I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
the coffee table.
* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
* I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
* I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet
in the house when I am about to throw up.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
* I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
* "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
* I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the
backyard after processing.
* The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
* I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
* I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think I am hemorrhaging.
* When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.
* We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
* I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with
* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and car registration.

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