Instructions/Warning labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work
on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The
shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost (But, it's just a suggestion)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late!
You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating. (da, are you sure? Let's
experiment)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron cloths on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds
off the fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Christmas lights made in China:
For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to used in Outer space or
underground???)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning; contains nuts. (Oh really?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What's is
this, a home castration kit?)

And finally, On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Sure that's
right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

 Mail this joke to a friend