Women's Compact Instruction Book

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Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the
house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be let out

The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance
or buy drinks. (Personally I think the dancing is debatable on most

Never sleep with a man who's named his willy.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is
unquestionably gay.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can
tell them apart.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to
make some woman miserable.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too
old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.

The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even
in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'oh alright, I'll
stay the night".

Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even
have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just

Sadly, all men are created equal.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look

The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day
graduate to the exalted status of a 'former boyfriend".

There are two significant influences in a man's life and they are
both his mother.

There are a lot of words that you can use to describe - strong,
caring, loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.

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