A Daughter's Letter


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Dear Mother and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been
remiss in writing and I am very sorry for the thoughtlessness in not
having written before. I will bring you up-to-date now, but before you
read on, please sit down. You are not going to read any further unless
you are sitting down. Okay? Well, then, I am getting along pretty well
now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of
the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my
arrival are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the
hospital, and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick
headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my
jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm,
and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance.
He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live
because of the burnt-out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to
share his apartment with him. Its really a basement room, but its kind
of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and
are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it
will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mother and Dad, I am
pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being
grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same
love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The
reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some
minor infection which prevents us from passing the pre-marital blood
test and I carelessly caught it from him. This will clear up with the
penicillin injections I am now taking daily. I know you will welcome
him into the family with open arms. He is kind and although not well
educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and
religion than ours, I know your oft-expressed tolerance will not
permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat
different than ours. I am sure that you will love him as I do. His
family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an
important engineer for the sanitation department he works for.
Although they say he runs his office from his truck. Now that I have
brought you up-to-date, folks, I want to tell you that there was no
dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture, I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not
have syphilis, and there is no schwartze in my life. However, I am
getting a "D" in history and an "F" in science, ...and I wanted you to
see those marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter





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