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A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are
not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes
to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store
he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders
down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet.
Surprised he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto the
The parrot says, "With my dick, you dummy!"
The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well
for a parrot."
The parrot says, "Of course, I'm a very well educated
parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, and
most any subject you wish."
The guy says, "Gee, you are exactly what I am looking
The parrot says, "There's not much of a market for maimed
parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll
bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things
go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells
him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost,
the Pope did so and so, etc.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
waves a wing at him and says, "Come in and shut the
The guy says, "What's up?"
The parrot says, "I don't know how to tell you this,
but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the
door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the
The guy says, "Oh, that was probably a momentary flight
The parrot says, "Then he fondled her breasts."
The guy says, "He did?"
The parrot says, "Then he pulled her negligee down and
started sucking on her breasts."
The guy says, "My God! What happened next?!?"
The parrot says, "I don't know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch."