Tips For Northerner Moving South

Tips For Northerner Moving South

** Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed
later how to use it.

** Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
that WE can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

** But if you DO run your car in a ditch (because you're a
smart-ass who thought you COULD drive on snow & ice) don't
panic. Four men in a the cab of a 4 wheel drive with a 12 pack
of beer and a tow chain will be along directly. Don't try to help
them and for God's sake, stay out of their way. This is what
they live for.

** Don't buy food at the movie store. Your system can't handle
it.

** There's nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern
accent.

** Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. We
don't understand YOU, either.

** Be prepared to hear, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
a lot.

** The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big Ol'" as in "Big Ol'
truck" or "Big Ol' boy". 85% of Northerners being their new
Southern influenced dialect with this expression. 100% are
in denial about it.

** The legal defense, "He needed killin'" is valid in the South.

** If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until
the last spade of dirt is thrown on and the tent is tore down.

** If you hear one of those "Big Ol' Boys" exclaim, "Hey, y'all,
watch this!" stay out of his way. These are very likely the last
words he will ever say.

** The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can
wait until November, honey.

** If there's the predicition of the *slightest* change of even the
most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required
at the local grocery story. It doesn't matter if you need anything
or not -- it's just something you're supposed to do.

** Florida is NOT a Southern state. There's more damned
Yankees there than true Southerners.

** You can ask us for directions, but unless you're pretty
familiar with the positions of key rocks, trees, hills, and
where Uncle Ned smashed his pick-em'up truck back in
'79, you're probably better off trying to get there your-own-
self.

** Don't be a fool. Or in the immortal words of my buddy
Jimmy Stoud, we'll say you're "eat up with the dumb-ass".

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