You've Had Too Much Coffee When....


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You've Had Too Much Coffee When....

- You ski uphill.

- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

- You speed walk in your sleep.

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.

- You have a bumper sticker that reads: Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

- You sleep with your eyes open.

- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

- You lick your coffee pot clean.

- You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House"

- You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.

- You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

- You chew on other people's fingernails.

- Cocaine is a downer.

- The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

- All your kids are named "Joe"

- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"

- You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.

- You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

- You can jump-start your car without cables.

- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

- You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

- You don't sweat, you percolate.

- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

- Instant coffee takes too long.

- People get dizzy just watching you.

- When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

- You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

- People can test their batteries in your ears.

- Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

- You channel surf faster without a remote.

- When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last
drop."

- You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee
can.

- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

- You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

- You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

- You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"

- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

- Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.

- You can't even remember your second cup.

- You help your dog chase its tail.

- You get drunk just so you can sober up.

- You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

- Your Thermos is on wheels.

- You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

- You introduce your spouse as your "Coffee Mate"

- Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.

- You've worn out the handle on your favorit mug.

- You help your dog chase its tail.

- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

- You short out motion detectors.

- You have a conniption over spilled milk.

- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

- You don't tan, you roast.

- You don't get mad, you get steamed.

- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

- You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."





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