Royal Navy Performance Reports

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The following are actual excerpts taken from "Employee Performance
Reports" of the (British) Royal Navy and Marine Officers.

If you ever get stuck on the phrasing when writing evaluations, try these:
* His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
* I would not allow this officer to breed.
* This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be.
* Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to
* The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap.
* When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there.
* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
* This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
* She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
* This Officer should go far--and the sooner he starts, the better.

And my personal favorite..
* This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!!

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