Computer Diagnosis

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One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor. His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a
computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper
than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your
problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample
and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample
and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noises and the
various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small
slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water..
Avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine
samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample
and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed
out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Give him vitamins.

Your daughter's using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife's pregnant - twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off,
Your tennis elbow will never get better!

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