Falkland Island Crisis

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A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in
the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that
had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office.
"Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any
medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body.
You will be given 2 pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those
parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!"
General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip
of the other, sir!"
General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The tip of me dick to me balls, sahr!"
General: "That's a strange request, but drop your trousers, son!

As the general begins the measurement: "My god, son, where are your
balls?" Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

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