America's Dumbest Criminals


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A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's
video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape
recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape
of himself stealing the camera.)

Louisiana:

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was
a crime committed?)

Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block thru a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

New York:

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back
to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID.
To which he replied "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."

Seattle:

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Newark:

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone, and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Ann Arbor:

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.

Kentucky:

Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling
the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain.
With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.





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