Mom's Dictionary

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Airplane: What mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained

Alien: What mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a
child- sized creature cleaning up after itself.

Apple: Nutricious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for

Baby: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if
he's 42.

Bathroom: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except
mom to be self-cleaning.

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be
explained logically.

Bed & Breakfast: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

Cook: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.

Couch Potato: What mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids
eat dinner.

the kids in a different setting.

Drinking Glass: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

Eat: What kids do between meals, but not at them.

Empty Nest: See "Wishful Thinking."

Energy: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until
asked to do something.

Eye: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to mom, can
be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled
butter knife.

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Garbage: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which mom
assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but
not containing, dirty clothing.

Handi-Wipes: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

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