You might work in an ER if...

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* You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for
4 hours is a medical emergency.

* You have four categories of patients; urgent, emergent,
non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off.)

* You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk."

* You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors."

* You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of

* You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually
covers his or her mouth when coughing.

* You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry
about that rhythm."

* You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag.

* You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and
the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20.

* You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke; (get someone
drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on
"some kind of pills" just prior to arrival.)

* You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen
yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups.

* You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and sadly put
the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives.

* You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes
of two adults in a serious MVA on back boards with sirens on and
anxiety at level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch... (and
you know that this is more time than you usually get.)

* You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when
interrupted from the first break in hours.

* You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on
physical presentation.

* You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history
questions because you can fill it out from memory.

* You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "I just had two

* You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to
have daily.

* You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you)
won't be disturbed by a return visit.

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