Drinking Warning

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that Warning signs
be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible
peril of pounding down a pint or two.

1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up
with breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100
yards.

2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like an A-hole.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your friends want to
SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the
office Christmas party.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4
in the morning.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning and see something really scary (whose species
and / or name you can't remember).

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,
really big guy named Psycho.