Are you a Democrat or Republican?

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1) What is your personal income level? Is it:
- Too much!
- Not enough money, but any more would make me evil.
- Whatever the government lets me keep.
- Money is a tool of the capitalistic overclass which etcetera
etcetera etcetera.
- I have no income. I've rejected money and illegally inhabit a
national park.

2) Describe your family:
- I'm married with three kids. Oh, and a live-in transsexual who
joins us in our orgies.
- The rules of the commune prohibit disclosing personal information.
- I don't believe in families.
- I don't believe in the word "describe."

3) What is the most politically incorrect thing about Scooby Doo?
- Daphne never does anything but stand around and look pretty.
- Scooby was never referred to as a Canine-American.
- Velma is such a lesbian stereotype.
- Shaggy never shares his marijuana.
- "Scooby Snack" reward system encourages mass consumption.
- Criminals are actually put in prison.

4) There's this weird drunk hanging out in front of your home. Do you
- Give him two bucks and think highly of yourself.
- Direct him to a government agency that will help him.
- Start a government agency that will help him.
- Respect his personal choice.
- Give Senator Kennedy a ride home.

5) I'm against school vouchers because...
- Bad teachers need jobs too!
- The NEA is against it, and a labor union certainly wouldn't do
anything in its own interest.
- A monopoly always yields better results than competition.

6) Bill Clinton's Welfare Reform Policy is:
- A document with "GOP" scribbled out & "Bill's" written in with a
fat purple magic marker.
- "It's a trap that discourages work & rewards illegitimacy, and
we're keeping it."
- What would you like it to be?
- What time is it?

7) Bill Clinton's Official Drug Policy is:
- Whatever the Republicans are currently working on.
- A new poster: "Don't Be A Shaggy; Share Your Drugs!"
- White House aides using drugs won't be allowed to work unless
they're Democrats.
- "Just say no to inhaling!"
- What would you like it to be?
- What time is it?

8) Why do you admire Hillary Clinton?
- Anyone who can make $100K without knowing cattle futures deserves
- The only dead people I can conjure up are Paul Lynde and Redd Foxx.
- If only I could lie so convincingly!
- Hey! She puts up with Bill! Give her some credit.
- We need more strong, intelligent women in prison.

9) What would Bill Clinton have to do for you to not vote for him?
- Develop a big ugly eyestalk in the middle of his forehead.
- Appear in a remake of "Bedtime for Bonzo."
- Claim to be "more famous than JFK!"
- Wear a t-shirt showing a bullet-riddled Snoopy.
- Annex the Sudetenland and kill six million Jews.
- Join the Republican party.

10) If Bill and Hillary discovered _________ in Chelsea's room, they
would disown her. ONLY ONE ANSWER IS CORRECT.
- Condoms.
- Marijuana.
- Cocaine.
- A videotape with a note: "It was fun! Here's a copy--Rob Lowe"
- An antique German lampshade with a registration tattoo on it.
- "The Way Things Oughta Be" by Rush Limbaugh.

11) Al Gore's dynamic speech pattern makes him an excellent choice
for the position of:
- Vice President.
- President.
- Governor.
- Senator.
- Environmental spokesman.
- TalkieToy Robot recorded voice.
- Kindergarten teacher.

12) Bill Clinton strongly believes in
- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.

13) There is a logical, believeable way that missing Whitewater
documents showed up in the White House reading room that adjoins
Hillary's office after the administration claimed to have handed over
all relevant documents:
- They were being used to line Sock's box.
- Time-travelling KGB spies plotting to avenge the fall of communism.
- They had been blank sheets of paper until Bill spilled lemon juice
on them.
- That rascally David Copperfield again!
- Hillary had them.

SCORING: None. IF you think this is a humor page, you're a
Republican. IF you had a hard time picking the best answer because
they're all so true, you're a Democrat.

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