How many students does it take to change a light bulb at (college)

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Vanderbilt: Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to
pay the bill

Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the

Brown: Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the

Dartmouth: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity

Cornell: Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the

Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it

Columbia: Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifth to
protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a
counter protest

Yale: None--New Haven looks better in the dark

Harvard: One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT: Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs
changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that
nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer
program that controls the wall switch

Vassar: Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual

Middlebury: Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the
perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion

Stanford: One, dude

Oberlin: Three--one to change it and two to figure out how to get
high off the old one

Holy Cross: Ten--one to change it, one back up if the first guy's too
drunk and the other eight to pray that it works

Georgetown: Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their
progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students

Duke: A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the
bulb out of the socket

Williams: The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's
nothing else to do

Tufts: Two--one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he
did it as well as an Ivy League student

Sarah Lawrence: Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an
interpretive dance about it

Swarthmore: Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it,
it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress

Boston University: Four--one to change the bulb and two to check his
math homework

Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial
complex and all that

Connecticut College: None--they are all too drunk to notice

Virginia: Thirteen--Ten to form student committee to vote on whether
changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change
the bulb, one to hold the keg the he's standing on, and another to
attribute electricity to Mr. Jefferson.

Bowdoin: Three--one to ski down to the general store and buy the
bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it

Boston College: Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw
a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time

Santa Clara University: One--but you would never know about it
because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs

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