I remember my first...


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I remember my first ISP. You always remember your first.
Halcyon.com in Seattle. So quick, so light, so ... responsive. She
was never too busy for me. It felt almost wrong, we were both so
young. But how can love be wrong? It was a magical time.

Then we were ripped apart. I moved to Boulder, for a job. How many
relationships have been ruined by money? We tried to pretend at
first, we told each other that nothing would change, it would just be
a long distance relationship. But I couldn't afford the phone bills,
and there was the time zone difference. So we had to face reality,
and parted ways.

I soon discovered that I can't bear to be alone. There was an
emptiness in my life. I tried reading the Halcyon newsgroups from
work, but of course I was blocked. Probably best, it was an
unhealthy thing to do. What was next, fly to Seattle and stand
outside the POP, in the rain?

I searched the yellow pages, hoping I could find a relationship that
way. But I was fearful. What if long distance got in the way again?
Then I found what I thought I needed. Netcom. They were everywhere!
I could travel, or change jobs, and never be without my provider.
And they wanted me. They told me so, right on the phone.

It was a relief, but looking back I'm sure it was a rebound
relationship. And I kept getting mixed signals from Netcom, busy
signals. She said she wanted me, but at the same time she implied
that she wouldn't be creating any new shell accounts. But a shell
account was the foundation of our relationship. I felt insecure, I
couldn't be sure she'd always support a shell account. And she was
always after me to use this GUI. She said she could get it for me
for free. Well, what you do with yourself in the privacy of your POP
is up to you, I won't judge, but I'm just not into that GUI stuff.

I finally had to leave, she gave me one busy signal too many. I
cancelled without even taking my files.

Well, then started a time in my life I'm not too proud of. I bummed
around from ISP to ISP, anyone who had a POP, local or national, I
didn't care. I was a slut.

It got to the point where I couldn't even remember the name of the
ISP I was with. I woke up one morning, bleary eyed, staring at my
monitor, and couldn't even remember what state my ISP was in, or even
if it was in the East or the West.

I'd hit bottom. Next stop Hell.

I cancelled my account by sending mail to support; I don't even know
who's support it was. Still don't.

Somehow I hooked up with Dimensional. We've both been around. We
don't ask too much from each other, give each other a lot of space.
I think the key to a lasting relationship is realistic expectations,
of both yourself and your partner. And never be too busy for each
other.

The keyboarding is satisfying. Nothing wild, just ten fingers up,
101 keys down. It works for us.

But sometimes, when I'm keyboarding late at night, I think of
Halcyon. You always remember your first.





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